The day we came home, no one was waiting for us. My parents and in-laws live too far away to visit spontaneously. Besides, I wanted to be alone for the first few days and welcome guests later on.

When we arrived home, we gently took our little sweetheart out of the car seat, undressed him, and laid him in his bassinet. There was a certain magic in the air. Suddenly, our two-room apartment wasn’t just our couple’s home anymore – it became a small family home. The first four walls for our little one.

“And now?” we asked each other and laughed.

Now he’s here, lying there peacefully and sleeping, and we’re sitting next to him, unable to believe our luck.

That feeling of finally being home – wonderful. That feeling of not knowing what’s to come, and realizing that from now on, there’s no one here to help us – scary.

With these two intense emotions, we stepped into the afternoon and simply enjoyed our time together as a family of three.

A delicious meal was waiting for me, and I enjoyed it half-sitting, half-lying on the couch. Half-sitting and half-lying because my birth injuries were still very painful.

The pain was unpleasant, that’s for sure. But compared to what I had gone through, and especially knowing that my son was now finally in my arms instead of in my belly, the pain was bearable – and somehow acceptable.

Pain isn’t pleasant, but in those first days, I looked past it because of all the happiness I felt and simply accepted it.

In the late afternoon, my right breast suddenly began to hurt and became hard. I was knocked out, couldn’t move, couldn’t even lift my arm. I could only lie there, cool it, and wait for it to get better. Fortunately, the intense pain subsided after about three hours – but not long after, the same thing started with my left breast.

From that moment on, breastfeeding became incredibly painful and was no longer a joyful experience. But I knew that this would eventually pass, too.

My desire to breastfeed him was just so strong that I clenched my teeth and did it anyway.

Looking Back

Today, 21 months later, I look back on that time and I can say that I’m proud of myself. It really wasn’t easy dealing with all that pain while also caring for a brand-new little human. Those moments, which felt so overwhelming back then, have now become beautiful memories.

For You!

If you’re in the early days after birth and dealing with similar pain – hang in there – it does get better. You’re doing your best, I know that.